# Lying About Money: When in Debt, Tell The Truth

By: [Team Stash](/content/learn/author/team-stash/index.html)  
Published: Apr 11, 2018  
• Updated: Jun 09, 2026

When you lie about money, you violate a fundamental trust in your relationship.

#### In this article:
1. [**“Little lies now,” I thought. “Bigger lies later.”**](/content/learn/when-in-debt-tell-the-truth/#little-lies-now-i-thought-bigger-lies-later/index.html)
2. [**Big debts, big secrets**](/content/learn/when-in-debt-tell-the-truth/#big-debts-big-secrets/index.html)
3. [**Why lie?**](/content/learn/when-in-debt-tell-the-truth/#why-lie/index.html)
4. [**Be honest with each other**](/content/learn/when-in-debt-tell-the-truth/#be-honest-with-each-other/index.html)

When I first met Trevor, I was a little skeptical. He was much shorter than [his dating profile](/content/learn/money-saving-tips-broke-ex-boyfriends/index.html) said. But I reminded myself that most guys lie about their height—it’s almost a reflex for any man under six feet.

With this in mind, I let the height fib slide, and we continued seeing each other. After all, I didn’t mind [dating a guy](/content/learn/personal-finance-first-date/index.html) who was an inch shorter than me. And I liked that Trevor had a career as a web coder.

I’d been accustomed to dating broke guys who thought [a 401K](/content/learn/what-i-learned-from-taking-the-biggest-financial-risk-of-my-life/index.html) was some sort of dental implant, and it was such a relief to finally find someone who had a salaried, grown up job, like I did at the time.

And so it was a surprise, but not a complete shock, when Trevor said he’d made us a reservation at one of the most expensive restaurants in the city. I figured it was a romantic gesture—a sign we were getting more serious.

## “Little lies now,” I thought. “Bigger lies later.”

Dinner was fantastic. After the waiter took our empty plates, I excused myself to the restroom, which was bigger and cleaner than my entire apartment. When I returned to the table, the waiter came by with the check and said, “I put the entire bill on the [gift](/content/learn/when-in-debt-tell-the-truth/#gift/index.html) certificate. Is that what you wanted?”

Trevor turned bright red, slammed the check down and scribbled what was probably a very bad tip. He took my hand we hustled out.

“What just happened?” I asked.

He looked back at the restaurant. “Why did that waiter blow my cover?”

I was still utterly confused. But my confusion turned to disgust when I realized that he wanted me to think he was spending his own money when it was really a gift certificate from his wealthy parents.

The gift certificate itself didn’t bother me. I’ve used coupons for items under $3. I have no shame. But what stuck in my craw over the days that followed was that Trevor had intended to hide something from me.

I never fully trusted Trevor after the night of the gift certificate. I realized that for Trevor, image was [more important than financial honesty](/content/learn/love-and-money-nightmares-it-happened-to-them/index.html). That fact made my stomach turn, and we broke up shortly after.

You may think I’m nuts for making such a big deal out of a dinner, but before Trevor, it had never occurred to me that people might not be honest about their finances. But it happens all the time.

## Big debts, big secrets

And if I thought lying about a gift certificate was bad, I wasn’t prepared for the many people who keep mountains of debt from their partners. A recent study by [Student Loan Hero](https://studentloanhero.com/press/debt-bedroom-32-student-loan-borrowers-suffer-decreased-sex-drive/) revealed that, among people with more than $6,000 in credit card debt, 32% of them [lie about it](/content/learn/live-rv-pay-off-student-debt-couple/index.html) to their partners.

## Why lie?

59%  
Shame or embarrassment  
30%  
Avoid argument  
28%  
Fear of dealbreaker  
20%  
In denial

Among those who’ve lied, 59% said shame or embarrassment played a role. More than a third said they kept their secret so their partner wouldn’t nag them, 30% didn’t want to start an argument, 28% feared it’d be a deal-breaker, and 20% reported that they were, at least in part, in denial about their debt. (Note: Respondents were allowed to select more than one reason for lying.)

Denial played a part with Matt Storrs, a lawyer in Queens, who didn’t tell his ex-wife about his mounting credit card debt because he thought a tax refund would negate it. When the refund didn’t cover the secret $5,000 debt, he came clean, and his then-wife was hurt.

“I felt destroyed by how it made her feel. Our relationship’s foundation had a lot of cracks, but this experience was [the major rift](/content/learn/moving-in-together-fight-about-money/index.html) that splintered those cracks,” Matt said. “Our trust crumbled.”

## Be honest with each other

Ben Luthi, the lead researcher for the Student Loan Hero study echoed the sentiment that when you lie about money, you violate a fundamental trust in your relationship.

“As a couple, whether or not your finances are separate or together, there’s still a ‘we’re in this together’ type thing,” he said.

Luthi says one way to avoid the trap of getting into secret debt is to set financial goals with your partner. If you’re both [working toward the same goal](/content/learn/when-should-couples-have-the-money-talk/index.html)—buying a house, for example—you’re less likely to go over your personal budget.

“The biggest thing is to communicate,” Luthi said. “Sometimes you’ll do anything to avoid an argument because those are unpleasant, [but] in my experience … it ends up not being as bad as you think.”